Sleepless Night

Last night was both incredible and horrific. The home videos they played before  Evelyn’s performance touched me so deeply and carried into my dreams. I was only able to sleep for about an hour last night so I’m surprised I had a dream at all.

After her performance I found a quiet place back stage to tell her that her dad’s organs were failing and that he had been placed on life support. I asked her if she wanted to get home right away or wait until after the results show. Her eyes filled with tears and she seemed confused but she decided to stay.

When we got back to the hotel, the nurse who cared for Amos last night called me to tell me she didn’t believe he would make it through the night. That resulted in uncontrollable anxiety in me that led to a flare up of my own plurasy which makes it  hard for me to breathe. I lay awake most of the night with my heart racing thinking of my sweetheart and all he was going through and the extent of my love for him and the past 20 years we’ve spent together.

I prayed for the dawn to come without another phone call and it finally did.

He was sustained through the night and to me that is a miracle. It helped me to find my hope again that more miracles can come.

His dad told me the life support is holding steady for now but that he was just made aware that a hurricane is heading toward his home in Florida prompting him to get back. Thank you  Dean for everything.

Amos’s mom arrived in the night as did his brother Tom. America’s Got Talent made arrangements to get us home immediately after the live results show tonight rather than tomorrow as planned. We are so thankful to them for their kindness and understanding. Simon isn’t the only one who gets emotional about Evie Clair. Dozens of producers and staff members are going through this challenge with us and we love them for it.

I know I wasn’t the only one who had a sleepless night. My kids at home are struggling and I’m anxious to get back to them.

Today in addition to the life support, they have him on dialysis and are struggling to keep his blood pressure stable.

Hang on best friend.

Bishop Smith’s Family Gift

WOW!! We got an amazing gift at our door this afternoon and it was from a family we don’t even know.


We’re a family from Utah that came across your blog. Your family is an inspiration to many. Although we don’t know you directly, we feel like our families have a lot in common. For example, we are a family of seven with the oldest child being 16 … Both our dad and your dad are the same age, and are bishops. Like your family, we enjoy music, games, and time together. We just wanted to drop something off to show gratitude to your family for being examples of true believers. We want  you to know you are in our prayers.

With love, 

The Smith Family

Of course I was bawling when Porter read this to me over the phone while I was searching for my car in the Walmart parking lot. He said 3 little girls dropped it off so I’m wondering if they live close. Thank you Smith Family. This stash will make for an amazing family night tonight. 🙂

Mondays are exciting in our extended family because we have several missionaries out serving and they send letters on Mondays. Today I read one from my niece, Kim. I have two nieces in Russia and Kim is one of them. She writes:

I know my posts have taken a pretty happy turn lately, but today I wanted to touch on the whole mental health thing, for those who might be wondering. I am still dealing with anxiety and depression, and I still have really rough moments, and mornings where I just do not want to get up and face the world. But you know what, I’ve gotten up everyday, and every time, it was worth it. Everyday I see the hand of God, and how He directs his work, and let’s me be a part of it. This work is miraculous. Life is miraculous, in the seemingly simplest of ways. A soul is made up of a spirit, a body, and a mind. Each of these face different challenges. And the Atonement works for all of them. I guess what I’ve found is that when things were wrong with my mind, I used to think things were wrong with my spirit. And that caused me to worry, and just boosted my anxiety. But as I have prayed to push aside that false thought, I find that most of the time, it really is just my brain. Just thoughts creating a big wall to climb over. So when I can push past that mental wall, and just trust God that things really are going to work out, that everything will be fine, everything gets a lot easier. Things really do work out. I am still alive. I am not in pain. Sometimes I have to take a break, reboot all my emotions and straighten out my thought patterns. And that is ok. The scriptures even tell us of the importance of not running faster than we have strength. My mission has shown me that I am very weak. But God uses the weak things of the world to bring about His eternal purposes.

I can not imagine the struggles this young niece of mine faces as she deals with these challenges so far away from home. Amos works every day of his life in the mental health profession to try to help people understand what she  just learned.  I thought her breakthrough was profound and needed to be shared today.