Death Has No Victory

Last night I stayed at the hospital with my sweetheart. He couldn’t communicate with me but I felt his spirit and rested well. The deep pain and anxiety of Tuesday were gone and I felt peace.

This morning I sat with Amos’s brother Tom in Amos’s hospital room. We were both struggling with understanding God’s will because we both believed Amos would be healed from this affliction. We studied and prayed and discussed. He never attempted to convince me of anything but just loved me and said that he knew all Amos wanted was for his wife to be happy.

After some pondering we came to the conclusion that faith is action. We wanted to show our trust in God and His will for Amos.

Tom received inspiration that our action should be to take Amos off life support and allow for God’s will to be done while allowing room for a miracle of healing or room for Amos to be released from a body that had been taken over by cancer.

He said the answers are usually simple but not always easy.

Grandma picked up the kids from school and brought them to the hospital. The nurses were so kind to prepare refreshments for our kids.

When our faithful children arrived we explained the situation and asked for their council in making this decision. They all agreed with tear filled eyes. We gave them each time alone with dad before turning off life-sustaining machines.

We watched him take his last breaths as he continued to breathe for about 15 minutes on his own. The children burst into tears but are now at home laughing at old home movies of daddy and remembering our great love for the most wonderful man any of us have ever known.

We find constant peace and joy in the knowledge that Jesus Christ paid the price of death so that it has no lasting victory. We will be with Amos again and we feel he can now be with us without the restrictions of his mortal body. Our faith in the Savior has grown today and our family has been strengthened forever.

Chemo Round 16

Elevated Liver Enzymes

Amos is feeling terrible. He is mostly nauseous but worse than I’ve seen before. He says his stomach is twitching and having spasms. The doctor told him he has elevated liver enzymes today. We found out that can happen when inflamed or injured liver cells leak higher than normal amounts of liver enzymes into the bloodstream. The doctor was unsure if the cancer in his liver is causing it, or if the chemo being processed through the liver is causing it. He hasn’t missed a day of work yet because of chemo effects but tomorrow may be the first.


I was too sick to be around other cancer patients today so I dropped Amos at the cancer center around 10am and went to my sister’s house to wait for him. My brother in law brought him lunch and I picked him up at 6pm.  I have 6 amazing sisters. Another one of them has a birthday today. She is the one who practically raised me when my mom was busy with the special needs of my older brother who passed away. I will always have a special place in my heart for you Mina. You are beautiful inside and out. Happy Birthday. #ilovemysisters

Along with those 6 sisters, I also belong to a worldwide sisterhood. I belong to the largest and most long-standing women’s organization in the world. How amazing to know that anywhere I go there will be sisters from the Relief Society who will care for me? This is incredible to me and a testimony that God really cares for his daughters individually. Right now I have 2 women assigned to me and I am assigned to 4 women that I am responsible for with my partner. We visit them every month not only to teach them an uplifting message but also to find out if they have needs that are not being met and serve them. As I called each of the beautiful women I am responsible for today to check on them, a sister who is assigned to me, Sister Riedhead, was at my home with my children helping them with their homework and making dinner for them. What a beautiful plan!


One of the 2 counselors to the leader of our local ward’s Relief Society received terrible news yesterday. Her handsome, young, veteran son was killed in a car accident. That was the urgent bishop business Amos had last night and we are all heart broken for our Relief Society sister and her family. The women in our area are standing by, so anxious to help and take care of everything for the funeral and find ways to comfort her and fill her needs. Women have been sending messages all day to find out what they can do to lighten her burdens. When I first moved into this ward she was assigned to me and I love her so much for always being there for me. She just texted me and asked if Evelyn would sing for her son’s funeral. Evelyn is so honored to be able to serve in that way. Thankfully chemo was this week so Amos will be well enough to conduct the funeral next week.