This is going to be difficult but I think it will help me personally to write again so here goes. Life is hard. I have struggled this past year and my kids have struggled. It’s easy to put on a happy face so everyone thinks we are fine but the tears keep surfacing and the grief keeps swelling.

The pain of this life would be absolutely unbearable without one constant thing… the love of God and his endless daily mercies. I have truly seen them and felt them for me and my children. If you are reading this, you are probably one of the people who have carried out those mercies and somehow made this past year easier for us. Thank you.

As most of you know, my husband was a saint. I know it’s easy to idolize and immortalize those who have passed on, but Amos was simply a hero. He was everyone’s favorite. The way he lived his life was pure inspiration. He served God first, his family second, everyone around him third and never forgot those most important priorities. He loved to serve and I suspect he is still doing just that. I hope he can look in on us once in a while too. He would be so pleased with the way his children are growing to be like him.

Wednesday night we returned to America’s Got Talent to see the Semi Final results show. The memories flowed back and Evie was so happy to be there.

Simon Cowell spent commercial breaks with us and was so kind. It was an unbelievably beautiful gesture for him to take so much time and care with us. It was healing somehow.  While he was talking to Evie, he asked her what she learned through her experiences. She struggled with a good answer on the spot but has been thinking of them ever since that moment.

I know we have grown as a family and learned to depend on each other and manage without daddy. He was the in-house psychologist so emotionally and mentally we have been a little lost without him at times but have often felt his love seeping through and guiding us.

The holidays this year will be very different. It hasn’t been announced yet, but Evie got a big long term show in Reno so we will be doing some juggling to partially relocate there from November to January.

Porter is preparing for his mission call that should come in less than a year. He also has offers from almost every Ivy Leauge University but thinks he may want to go to Yale after his mission. He has been such an incredible help to me this past year. I love that kid so much.

Kirra, Ruth and Blakely are all about student council this year. They are serving diligently and leading their school with courage and kindness. Daddy would love to see that.

Evelyn has been traveling everywhere performing for all kinds of events. Her light has definitely reached many. This one audition video alone has reached quite a few people.

She loves singing for and speaking to youth groups about holding on to her faith trough troubled times. She inspires me every day. She released an original album called Okay Day that is beyond words.  It hit the top 50 on the iTunes pop album chart and it continues to inspire people all over the world.